20 November 2008

people, places, things

when the seasons change, my body doesn't want to eat anything. so, i've just been pick-pick-picking at things all week. today i had a little chili for breakfast, then a zuccinni muffin later on, then some apples and bread. for dinner i had a sort of lebanese cookie stuffed w/ walnunts, along w/ half of a delicata squash. it's these between times that my body is able to say exactly what it wants and how much. it's these between times that i am most myself. i sleep when i'm tired, i smile into mirrors and into the sun, i wink more.

so, i haven't posted in a million years, as friends keep reminding me. i've moved, gotten a fish
and an internet connection, been to korea and back... a lot to report on. reporting is always daunting to me, as it's best done on the spot, which is never a spot where i have a computer/pen/appropriate audio device. i am forever trying to remember to write this or that down, to tell this or that to so and so. it never happens. i offer a blanket apology for that, here and now.

korea was (truly) amazing. blazing fall colors on copious mountain tops. a total inability to communicate verbally. abundant kindness. food that takes adjusting. and darling friends, new and old. that didn't really tell you anything, did it? go look at some pictures (www.flickr.com/hilarykleinmarshall). temples, kimchi, faces.

upon my return, i was first thankful for the opportunity to see such a faraway place. then, almost immediately following my joyful graditude, i felt oppressed by my self-imposed burden of stuff (dishes, couch, dresses...) that keeps me tied to chicago. travelling, i felt so light. see, for years i have been unable to decide what really comes next for me (whatever that means), so i do temporarily interesting things and wait for something "real," while acrewing countless worldly, useless possessions. i briefly felt smothered. but then i went back to work, which i realized i had missed immensely, and chicago didn't seem so burdensome. and then the jet lag wore off, and with it went the euphoria of having experienced "something new." the coziness of "something the same" settled back onto me. i'm really very happy wherever i am, doing whatever it is i do, something i'm only just starting to understand about myself. even trapped in chicago under my mountain of things, i'm somehow satisfied. i'm struggling to understand if that's complacency or happiness. or just rambling.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel it is important to be able to adjust life wherever you may be. I feel that you have that gift. Every new place your are in, you tend to adjust yourself well. As a friend, to me, that means that you appreciate ever you may be. Whether one is mobile or not, what needs to keep in mind one thing. How are we sharing our resources to better others wherever we may be. Something I am trying to figure out how to do in South Korea

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the fragments in the last post. I am not sure what was wrong with me.